Precision Commenting Genius
Like any good social network, aside from the ability to follow, like and repost as you please, every SoundCloud member has the ability to not only comment on material but comment as it plays. Going mad for those hats? Comment on the precise second that they jump into play. Made a puddle when that reese came in? Comment straight on the moment of its arrival. It’s a very simple but inexplicably effective method of interaction that people have embraced in its entirety. Including myself…
Two years of owning a SoundCloud account – Two years of indecipherable commenting gibberish. Please enjoy the Best Bits.
Jesus f***ing Christ
[For additional emphasis replace ‘Fucking‘ with ‘Fakking‘]
There are times when you’re flicking through beats all nonchalant-like when out of the reserved calm of the head-nod comes a ferocious musical beastling with claws fully extended and shrieking maw tearing at your petrified ear-drums. In these moments you have no option but to say these words loud and proud for everyone to hear. And in the most extreme cases just saying them isn’t enough, you have to get a good comment down as well.
The only known case of implementing the ‘Fakking’ in the ‘Jesus Fucking Christ’ scenario:
Variations of ‘Peng’
[Apply various prefixes and suffixes to fully exploit the true potential of the word ‘peng’. Replacing key nouns and adjectives in popular phrases with ‘peng’ is another highly effective approach.]
Readers of the blog and social affiliates will know that I use this popular slang term, almost religiously, to describe anything brushing on the better-than-good… in some cases even just the good… to be fair even the shit gets penged up good and proper, with a healthy porting of sincere-jest in deliverance. When it comes to SoundCloud however, the use of the word ‘Peng’ has to be far more controlled and is only delegated to the finest of crafts…
‘Pen’ – Never feel afraid to drop a letter from a favorite descriptive word to create a familiar, yet irrelevant, word – subliminally describing something in a way only decipherable to you. People will bewilder at your inexplicably clever jape whilst you chortle in perfect solace.
‘A million and one shades of peng’ – Is it a well constructed compliment? Is it a humorous pop-culture reference? Or is it both rolled into one? Let the awe-struck lack of replies be the definition of your genius.
‘Paddling Pool Pingness’ – ‘Ping’ is the perfect ‘Peng’ replacement. Through the alternation of ‘ping’ and ‘peng’ and application of the techniques discussed previously you will fast become a Peng-Peng-Penassus Master.
‘Pure pringle prengle pranglepuss’ – Here we see various vowel replacements and the additional ‘puss’ suffix seamlessly combined to create, what could be, a fictional creature. Fantastic.
“That’s/That is/This is the…”
[Tell the artist what their music is – they will only thank you for it]
Sometimes music delivers imagery and emotions to you that are impossible to contain. How could you conceivably not let the people of the globe know exactly what it is that you’re thinking when confronted by something that’s clearly ‘a hoon-hopper on the rewind’?
‘Jesus Christofferson this is the pop-open-a-tin-of-pringle Peng-tastic’ – A far more complex implementation of peng here; starting off with a re-worked exclamatory remark transcending into well choreographed pengstrumentation that not only summons a laugh, but also nods a head to the popular international snack brand, “Pringles”, which are indeed, also peng. This is highly skilled mastery of the word ‘peng’ AND tune definition at the same time. Get creative with your comments and reap the rich rewards of future regaling.
‘That’s some party time feel good hip-hopster grab a beer and slap your nan’s booty elated joy tune right there’ – People will remember a comment with harmless incestuous suggestion.
‘Oh dear that’s prime rib roast supreme’ – Who doesn’t like a prime rib roast? Use what you know to your advantage.
[Take the track title into account]
‘Weeping all night long’
‘I believe I’m touching cloth’
[Sometimes ‘funny’ doesn’t cut it]
‘Smooth like truffle sauce’ – Note that sometimes ‘funny’ and ‘sexy’ are the same thing
‘Soft like satin’
‘Sensual’ – One word can often speak a thousand
Let them know
[There’s never an excuse for slippin’]
Sometimes you have to let an artist know when they’re letting their game down. Even if they have more followers than you.
So there you have it – a comprehensive guide to commenting like a King on SoundCloud. I hope those of you reading this will take on all that I have said and utilise your new-found skills in the new year to come – a fresh start on your journey to becoming the ping-master-supreme of the commenting world.