I had some family in town from Barbados over the last week, so they dragged me into a couple of department stores to seek out Western products they are so painfully deprived of on their small tropical island. Department stores freak me fuck out. They trap you in there with exits few and far between, and incredibly difficult to find. With arrows that point in the wrong directions and labyrinth-like floor layouts that have you looping around in circles. They play horrid music that varies from room to room producing sound-clashes that mess with your mind. And what’s worse right now: they are laden floor-to-ceiling with Christmas paraphernalia – the rush has begun.
People are stocking up on £30 cracker-sets, £10 tree baubles, £300 life-size toy reindeers, tiny £80 Peter Rabbit framed prints, while huge bells thunder away overhead as if some kind of Christmas-consumer mind-control anthem. Holy Hell! All the while bums and lepers beg and quiver out on Oxford Street suffering from madness and deformity under towering billboards with people brushing by hauling huge swollen Selfridges bags.
To Hell in a Hand basket… Enjoy it while it lasts people: