Ellie Goulding – Skrillexmentaion & Ex-Greg Jameses

So smelly old Ellie Goulding released her new album the other day…

(She’s not smelly really… sorry Ellie)

It’s called: Skrillex & Greg James

Sorry what no, it’s called Halcyon… what?

WTF is that? Halcyon? Well that’s just a fancy word (it probably does mean something) that you’ve come up with because you didn’t want to call it Skrillex & Greg James… Smelly Goulding what have you done?

LEAKED – official ‘Skrillex & Greg James’ album cover art

I feel so sorry for poor old Greg man. It must fucking suck to be him right now. For one, the whole album is about him and he’s not going to be able to escape it. The relationship ended and it wasn’t Greg’s decision, it was her that dumped him. He’s still very obviously tucked up in bed each night jackin’ over his secret Ellie phone pics. Poor bastard. And now he’s gunna have to play, not only tunes from his Ex, which he has to do all the time anyway, but tunes from his Ex, all about him. And they’re 100% gunna involve loads of mushy heart crushing lyrics about the two of them being in love, being not in love, good times, bad times… oh it’s too much to think about!

My god I don’t know how the man’s going to survive! He’s only little. Well actually he’s very tall, but he’s little in nature, a young boy in heart. A YOUNG BOY ABOUT TO BE STOMPED ON BY THE GIANT MUSICAL BOOT OF REJECTION AND HEART BREAK!!

And to make matters even worse, he still has to continue playing this fucking ass-bag…

Man I can honestly say that I haven’t even dared press play on that thing. Just the picture of the fat man with a cartoon mustache infuriates me to the point of… oh I can’t even continue.

And yeah. That’s the fucking man she’s dating now. Skrillex not the mustache guy. But yeah, It’s painful to say the least!

So let’s surmise.

Greg James:

  • You are a daytime Radio1 presenter… ouch
  • You were once going out with Ellie Goulding but then she dumped you… ouch x2
  • For Skrillex… fucking stab in the face x1,000,000
  • You have to play a lot of Ellie Goulding tracks… ouch x3
  • You have to play a lot of Skrillex noise… kill yourself
  • You now have to play loads of Ellie Goulding tracks about you and your failed relationship together… ouch x3000
  • You still have to play a lot of Skrillex noise… kill yourself x1,000,000
  • Skrillex is now boning your ex-girl friend Ellie Goulding… probably right now as well…

R.I.P Greg James

you seemed a nice enough guy to validate a post in honour of your bravery and emanate death x

For those of you interested in knowing the song titles on the album Skrillex & Greg James here is the Track Listing:

  1. Shut Up!
  2. Periods
  3. Skrillex
  4. Greg James
  5. A mythical bird, usually identified with the kingfisher, said to breed about the time of the winter solstice in a nest floating on the sea, and to have the power of charming winds and waves into calmness
  6. Kama Sutra
  7. I’M FREE
  8. Fucking with your head
  9. When I touched his Pee Pee
  10. I don’t really care
  11. Misleading song title
  12. Plans to let you go easy
  13. One last head fuck



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